Posts Tagged ‘joke’

Aliens, Brains and Migraines

By: Tammy Holloway

                Cue the music…Theeeeere’s a pain in my brain and I call it a migraine but I think it’s an alien monster. With this pain in my brain I go hugely insane so I must get rid of this monster.

                I’m a writer. Yep, plain and simple. “Norf du spak! Norf du spak!” Oh yeah, before I forget, I have an alien in my brain and he pretty much decides everything. Norf du spak…that means “I’m your master”. I just go with it since there isn’t a whole lot I can do about him. It makes for interesting writing though I must say. I write science fiction and love the visions I get thanks to Al. Al isn’t very creative for a name but hey, I didn’t choose to have him in there.  I got tired of yelling “Shut up alien!” and “Stupid alien!” so I just shortened it. He seemed to like it because the first time I called him Al I got a nice gentle squeeze to the brain.

                Al hates most things so I generally live with a migraine almost every day at some point or another. Berkle smut almost always means a big one is coming so I make the most of my day with relaxation music and a hot bath.  Before I realized what berkle smut meant, I continued my day as normal. It wouldn’t matter if I was in the middle of writing a really great story, the pain would come with such intensity that I would have to put the pen down. I always hated trying to remember what I was going to write next and Al would laugh and access my memory bank with some really off the wall material. I don’t know how many times I started writing whole paragraphs before I realized what was going on. “Very funny Al!” I would say in a louder than normal tone. Wreek lum sten fo ler ler. Kimp san wen voc romp. Dok la.&*YOYIH NUUIY*YYYOUPIOJO.

                “AL!!!!!!!!!!!!! Stop it!” Anyway, it’s time to feed Al. I can forget about getting anything hfskslend…normal written until he is happy again.

Have a sci-fi day everyone! ~ TLH

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This was on my Facebook this morning and thought it was funny so had to share. I just hope I am never in the line of fire…Pun intended.

“The keys on your keyboard are the controls to your bulldozer. Take the keys and drive until you are finished. Everything else will kindly move out of your way or be forced to become a part of your path to success.”

Tammy Holloway

 

“Dozer” 

Have a sci-fi day everyone! TLH

Homework homework homework! I have a ton of it but thought I would share some of my enjoyment this morning. I make sure to take several breaks throughout my study sessions to keep my mind sharp. (If that’s possible.) If any of you ever decide to go to college here is my recommendation: Go! But seriously….Start off at a community college. Make sure it is an accredited school (meaning other schools will transfer in your credits). Do NOT…I repeat..DO NOT take online courses until you have been in school a while and can no longer be teacher dependent. (Like I was when I first decided to take an online course…geesh!) Now that I have been in college since the stone ages, I feel quite comfortable with online schooling. In fact, we are hours from any college campus out here in the boonies anyway lol! Don’t know what you wanna be when you grow up? That’s okay…I didn’t either all the way to my Master’s. My credits range is so far apart, I can’t see from one end to the other. I do, however, have a Bachelor’s Degree hanging on my wall, with honors. Now I am finishing my Master’s in Accounting. The things you learn in college are hard to explain. I guess you get a wide range of exposure to well-educated professors in all types of fields and they are all willing to give more information. After all, they are teachers.

College is NOT only for smart people. Don’t be discouraged to go. I was the first in my family and I (this is the God’s honest truth) did not know what  semester was. I walked up to the financial aid office at Laramie County Community College and spoke with someone there. They were very helpful in answering all my questions. It had been 10 years since I was in high school so I had to start at a low-level of Math. No biggie…I did it. People seem to always want to point out bad things about college. Yeah it is expensive, yeah it can be hard…but I am not the brightest bulb in the pack. I spend much more time on homework than my husband. He is more along the lines of one of those people you hated in high school because they never did homework or studied but got straight “A’s”. Don’t get me wrong, he is very smart and I am very proud of him but I just want to make a point about college. I made that leap. I joined the military for GI Bill money…which I used up back in the 1800’s (jk). I belong to two honors programs…(not looking good for my Master’s though). How do I do it? I make sure I do all the homework, attend classes regularly (online I have to participate 3 times a week), call the teacher for help, (that’s what they are there for) and last but not least…I study! I have heard it a million times….I can’t….I can’t…I can’t  PHOOOWIE!!! YES YOU CAN! but you have to work for it….just like everything else in life. Our economy isn’t doing too good these days and many people are out of work. The competition is much higher for filling the positions we want so college is a great enhancement to help get you in the direction you want to go.

Now look at these next pictures, have a laugh, and go look into attending college;-)

BWAHAHAHAHAHA!! Laughter is gooOOOood. Laughter is REAL good;-) Now back to homework.

“The keys on your keyboard are the controls to your bulldozer. Take the keys and drive until you are finished. Everything else will kindly move out of your way or be forced to become a part of your path to success.”

Tammy Holloway

 

“Dozer”

 

Have a sci-fi day everyone! TLH

I took this picture the other day because I thought this was the most beautiful rose. I cropped the picture and enhanced it some. This picture is rightfully mine…or is it? As far as I’m concerned, share it. I am no photographer and I use other people’s pictures all the time for one reason or another. I don’t make money off other people’s work and I don’t think anyone is going to make money off of mine.

As for our writing, has anyone had their work “borrowed”? I’ve talked to many authors and researched sites with information about copyright laws and found that it is rare to have someone actually take your work for themselves and claim they wrote it. If you still feel uncomfortable about sharing what you have, send it to yourself certified mail. Do not open it and keep it in case something were to happen. That is the old-fashioned way of keeping your material protected. I recently mailed my novel to myself since I am over halfway done. I have been sending it out to different people for editing, coaching, etc. It doesn’t hurt to spent a few bucks to ease your mind. As for the pictures I take, if I felt a need to become some big photographer I would have my name plastered across the photos so they would be useless for the purpose of making money on it.

 If we couldn’t share other people’s material, we wouldn’t be able to enjoy pictures like this:

and this….

These are the highlights of my mornings as I scroll through my Facebook. Someone else’s photos made my day and I hope my photos do the same:-)

 

“The keys on your keyboard are the controls to your bulldozer. Take the keys and drive until you are finished. Everything else will kindly move out of your way or be forced to become a part of your path to success.” Tammy Holloway

 

“Dozer” 

Have a sci-fi day everyone! TLH

 

Ha! You thought I spelled it wrong didn’t ya? Well, I enjoy laughing and I have had much less time to write since my Accounting classes are getting harder. Still, I felt the need to share this from a friend on Facebook. Thanks Bob!

“The keys on your keyboard are the controls to your bulldozer. Take the keys and drive until you are finished. Everything else will kindly move out of your way or be forced to become a part of your path to success.”

Tammy Holloway 

“Dozer”

 

Have a sci-fi day everyone! TLH

Laughter is great medicine;-)

 

Seabees “Can-Do” 

(US Navy – NMBC 74)

“The keys on your keyboard are the controls to your bulldozer. Take the keys and drive until you are finished. Everything else will kindly move out of your way or be forced to become a part of your path to success.” Tammy Holloway

 

“Dozer” 

Have a sci-fi day everyone! TLH

 

I enjoy writing sci-fi, but I absolutely LOVE to laugh! Someone was kind enough to post this on my Facebook today and I was in tears watching it. I pictured my parents in this position lol! Great video:-) Enjoy

“The keys on your keyboard are the controls to your bulldozer. Take the keys and drive until you are finished. Everything else will kindly move out of your way or be forced to become a part of your path to success.” Tammy Holloway

 

“Dozer”

 Have a sci-fi day everyone! TLH

A writer died and was given the option of going to heaven or hell.

She decided to check out each place first. As the writer descended into the fiery pits, she saw row upon row of writers chained to their desks in a steaming sweatshop. As they worked, they were repeatedly whipped with thorny lashes.

“Oh my,” said the writer. “Let me see heaven now.”

A few moments later, as she ascended into heaven, she saw rows of writers, chained to their desks in a steaming sweatshop. As they worked, they, too, were whipped with thorny lashes.

“Wait a minute,” said the writer. “This is just as bad as hell!”

“Oh no, it’s not,” replied an unseen voice. “Here, your work gets published.”

“The keys on your keyboard are the controls to your bulldozer. Take the keys and drive until you are finished. Everything else will kindly move out of your way or be forced to become a part of your path to success.” Tammy Holloway

 

Have a sci-fi day everyone! TLH

 

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.

When asked to define great, he said, “I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!”

He now works for Microsoft writing error messages.

 

Joke of the day

 

Punctuation Parable

Dear John,

I want a man who knows what love is all about. You are generous, kind, thoughtful. People who are not like you admit to being useless and inferior.
You have ruined me for other men. I yearn for you. I have no feelings whatsoever when we’re apart. I can be forever happy – will you let me be yours?

Gloria

Dear John,

I want a man who knows what love is. All about you are generous, kind, thoughtful people, who are not like you. Admit to being useless and inferior.
You have ruined me. For other men, I yearn. For you, I have no feelings whatsoever. When we’re apart, I can be forever happy. Will you let me be?

Yours,

Gloria