Wow time does fly by! I cannot believe how much has happened in between my writings. I stopped because I had a child and it was worth it! It still is but he is 5 years old now so I have a bit of freedom. I needed to start writing again to be able to get it out and vent without complaining to those who really could care less or just do not want to hear it. At least my blog can be passed on if there is no interest to others and no harm done. If you can relate…maybe we can inspire each other:) Okay where to start……
As I said, we have a beautiful 5 year old boy who is our world. He was quite the miracle after 4 miscarriages (one 17 weeks along), daily heparin shots and migraines but we appreciate every day with him. It was all worth it for our little man. The depression that followed was not welcome but it happened and we dealt with it. My husband is a champion and such an amazing man. I couldn’t have asked for a better support system. It wasn’t until recently that I was finally medicated on a regular basis to control the depression. Once I came back to this world in a somewhat wide eyed approach, I realized so many things that happened while I was feeling worthless, lacking the ability or drive to do anything. All those times I couldn’t even get up to take in a breath of fresh air from the outdoors, he carried me. Not physically, but emotionally. Although he did carry me to the bathroom a time or three when I was pregnant and worried about miscarriage…again.
When I cried, he held me close. When I wouldn’t get up, he brought me breakfast in bed. When I felt worthless, he put me on a pedestal…..and when I hurt, he hurt for me. Once my meds really kicked in and started showing me all of this I began to feel guilty. This is all a part of coming out of a depression and boy was it an eye opener. One thing I did realize is that I cannot let it get me down but I can make up for lost time. Mu husband says he has no regrets doing all he did and was happy to help which motivates me even more. I have never loved someone so much and felt so loved as I do by him. We have been married almost 9 years now and still we are newlyweds. It just keeps getting better in spite of all the craziness of the world.
I’ve taken up the roles he did for so long and try to do my best around the house. I also became quite the Betty Crocker lately and love to try new dishes. My husband and son love it too;) We eat healthier because we do not have to eat out so much anymore which was one of the necessities with the depression. My husband couldn’t always cook since he had to work too. He had quite the burden on him.
My free time is now open to new ideas and I love trying things that look interesting to me. One thing we recently started (which goes against depression but I control it) is making beer. It really is a science. We brew together and once it is ready, bottle together. It’s fun to try each batch but in moderation. If I go overboard I get migraines and the headache meds counteract the depression meds so yeah, I have to be careful.
Once we got the beer brewing down, I decided to try wood engraving. I got an early birthday gift to really give it a try and so far I love it. I always try to do things that may potentially make money but have yet to find the right hobby. So far my engravings need practice and work but if I can keep my attention on this hobby, I may be able to master it and begin making signs and stuff that looks cool that people would actually want to purchase.
I guess I need a table of contents for this post! Oh well, I am just venting and it really does feel great! I love my life and I do not have a soul to share it with. I have one true friend and she listens when I need it but I also do not want to burden the one person who truly stayed by my side as a friend for most of my life. My husband gets the brunt of it and he is a champion. We both have a painful past so we chat about it to relieve the pain from time to time.
Let’s see…to sum it up here is a line-up of events over the past 5 years – Childbirth, Depression, Combating Depression, Becoming Betty Crocker, Brewing, Marital Bliss, Dremel Wood Work, PhD in Progress, Migraines, Support System, Homeschooling, Caring for Chickens, Starting a Garage Door Business, and Building a House. Wow! Writing really does help see the entire picture.
Well time to school my boy! Until next time…….TH
tammyholloway 